What My Mother Taught Me
A Praising in the Gates
Today is my mother’s birthday. Here are just a few of the things she has taught me. I love you, Mom! Happy birthday!
1. How to read.
I was homeschooled, and my mother taught me how to read. Not only did she read to us incessantly, she gave me the gift of reading for myself. She gave me the world! Learning is a way of life in our family.1 She has taught hundreds of children to read, but I will always be the proudest advocate of her skills. Being raised by a kindergarten teacher is a superior way of life; I have never grown too old for picture books. (If you want to give my mom a birthday gift, drop a book recommendation in the comments—she loves stories of faith, Miss Read, Grace Livingston Hill, and narratives of women in the West like Isabella Bird.)
2. Eating well can be easy, accessible, and delightful.
Not only did she make sure my brother and I graduated high school knowing how to meal plan, shop for groceries, and cook, my mom taught us what types of vegetables have lots of protein, why a naturally colorful meal is a nutritious meal, and that home-cooked meals are achievable. She wasn’t a health nut—we ate chips and brownies and never shopped at Whole Foods—but she passed on the knowledge of how to make a variety of delicious, nutritious meals at a low cost per serving.2 We went to farmers’ markets before it was trendy. Every summer, we picked locally-grown strawberries that she turned into jam to spread on homemade bread. Even though it must have been stressful for her to plan twenty-one meals a week for her family on a budget, she made food fun. The wear and tear on her copy of Food for Fifty tells how many parties she’s thrown, most recently, helping me make food for fifty at a party at my house. Her themed birthday cakes are legendary3 and our family dinners were (and are) places for conversation, sharing knowledge, and connection.
3. Beauty is on the inside, but the outside is fun too.
Were I to list the virtues she taught me, we would be here all day. The best way to teach one’s children virtue is to be virtuous, and my mom’s character is thoughtful, attentive, and gentle. She also taught me that being a woman is wonderful. While moral beauty comes from the inside, her exterior, never overdone but always well-groomed, exudes her inner graciousness. She’s the person you ask for directions at an airport, the one you meet your first Sunday at church who becomes a lifelong friend. Being thoughtful about what she wears shows that she respects herself and others: she’s worth dressing up, and you’re worth dressing up for. It doesn’t require high heels and glam makeup (unless she’s going to a wedding, or perhaps the Navy Ball), but there’s a middle ground between sweatpants and spandex. She taught me that personal style can be self-expression, self-respect, and respectful of others.
4. “You do for family.”
Well, this phrase comes from Frankie on The Middle, but the truth stands. My mom did (and does) the most for family. In her life, this has looked like home education, caring for her mother in her decline, and spending as much time as possible with her granddaughter. My parents have “adopted” young adults many times over the course of their lives, giving a source of stability and wisdom to those who need it. The security of knowing someone will always “do for” me is what gives me the confidence to “do for” others. That’s the wisdom of the golden rule: doing unto others invites reciprocity, even if not everyone is wise enough to reciprocate. This isn’t limited to biological family—my parents “do for” their community as well—but family always, without question.
5. Making things by hand is a pleasure.
When I close my eyes I can still hear the hum of her sewing machine in its fitted cabinet, and few sounds are more pleasing to my ears than scissors cutting fabric. She made the dress I wore when I graduated college, the last of many of her beautiful handmade garments I’ve worn throughout my life.4 My mom taught me what she knew and signed me up for classes so I could learn skills she didn’t have. Handicrafts are creative outlets, a means of thriftiness, and a source of personal fulfillment and joy for my mom and I. My mom has made clothing, curtains, bags, and pillows. She has reupholstered furniture, redecorated rooms, grown food, created artwork, and so much more. Enjoying handicrafts has brought me some of the most precious friendships in my life—including my mother-in-law—and I get my love of working with my hands from my mother.
6. Marry a good man and your burdens are shared.
Observing how my father affected my mother’s life shaped my hopes for my future. She taught me that a life partner not just about looks and fuzzy feelings. It’s about choosing someone with whom to build your whole life. Not just anyone is up to the task! Because of her example I chose someone whom I trusted with finances, whose family I love, and who lays down his life not just for me, but for my friends and family, too.5 When my dad walked me down the aisle at my wedding, I looked at my groom and at the loved ones standing around us. These people made me into the woman my husband wanted to marry, and my mom is the biggest part of that.
7. God is love.
How do I know that God is love? Sure, my mom read the Bible to me from an early age, even before I was born. Of course she taught me how to pray and that God hears my prayers. Thanks to her faithful encouragement, I’ve memorized hundreds of Scripture verses, including 1 John 4:16. But I don’t think of that when I question why I know in my bones that God is love. It’s the assurance that comes from having a mother who joyfully bore me in her body, who cradled me in her arms and nursed me at her breast, who kissed my wounds, who wiped my tears. (It’s no wonder I connect so fully with Julian of Norwich, who knew these traits reflect Jesus Christ.) For me, my mother’s love was the entrance into a relationship with a God who is love. That’s a better gift than reading, even.
From my academic study of the Bible, I know that the woman in Proverbs 31 is Lady Wisdom, not a real person.6 She is a narrative creation, the image given to a king by his mother, a woman who can match a king in prudence, advocacy, and justice. Yet, Lady Wisdom is embodied in those who imbibe her teachings and walk in her ways.
Lady Wisdom is in every “woman of strength,” in everyone whose “lamp does not go out at night,” in everyone clothed “with strength and dignity.” My mother “provides food for her household” and “heart of her husband trusts in her.” My mother “fears the Lord.” In these ways and more, my mother is Lady Wisdom.
See: us on a vacation to Boston, listening to Johnny Tremain for the nth time, excitedly pointing out the sites of the novel as we visited or drove past them.
The world around food is so overcomplicated and politicized today, but I keep returning to the simplicity of my mom’s attitude toward food. All the advice of diet influencers can’t shake the solid foundation of wholesome eating.
Most notable for me: my prairie-themed tenth birthday party (mashup of Kirsten and Little House) with a cake decorated like a nine-patch quilt. Most notable for my brother: probably the baseball field cake that cracked, which was when we learned about the 1989 earthquake at the third game of the San Francisco World Series. How much less would have been recorded about the Loma Prieta earthquake had it not happened during a major sports event? See Tim McKeown’s retrospective here.
I was able to reciprocate in a small way last year by giving her a sweater I made. To quote her beloved band, The Imperials, riffing on Ecclesiastes: “Keep on casting / Your bread upon the water / Soon it’s gonna come back home on every wave.”
Case in point, my husband single-handedly saved Thanksgiving for my side of the family in 2023, for which he has earned great renown.
She is the same archetypal figure in Proverbs 8. “Does not wisdom call and understanding raise her voice?….‘The Lord created me at the beginning of his work, the first of his acts of long ago.’” Proverbs 8:1, 22 NRSVUE.
Melody, there is no greater gift you could have given than this beautiful and heart-felt tribute to your godly mother. You are blessed to have her as a mother and I am blessed that God brought us together as husband and wife.
Thank you, Melody, for your kind words. I feel so honored and blessed to be your mom! This means so much to me and is so encouraging!